Deep Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately, and I'm considering selling Morrissey. Even thinking about this at all, has been really rough on me.  She is a really great horse, and I really enjoy spending time with her, but I have realized that I am not going to get over my fear of riding with her.

It all started a few days ago when I went out to catch Morrissey. She normally walks right up to me, but this time she tore around the pasture like I had the plague. Mike, the wonderful man who runs my boarding stable, saw that I was having trouble with her and offered to help me. He had his nephew, who is an experienced rider, ride Morrissey for about an hour. Half of that time, she was bucking or in some way testing him. Not maliciously, he never lost his seat, but bucking is bucking.

I find myself making excuses for her often and really I think the fault lies on me. Horses don't stay "kid friendly" sitting in a pasture and getting lunged occasionally. Having me as an owner isn't doing Morrissey any favors. I've also realized that kid friendly can be quite a misleading term. Mike's nephew is a kid, and also an experienced rider. Morrissey's former owner's small children had been raised around horses and seemed to do very well with her. The thing these kids have in common is confidence. Something I'm lacking.

Morrissey is not a horse for a beginner who lacks confidence. She is not a babysitter. She will challenge her rider. When she is ridden by someone who knows how and what to tell her, she will listen. She is a great horse for someone. I just know I'm not that someone.

Watching Mike's nephew ride my bucking bronc really made realize that I'm not going to ride her. I'm not even sure if I want to ride anymore. Trying to force myself hasn't been enjoyable, it has been stressful. The non-riding times have been the good times. Having the goats has made me realize that my farmish life can be easy and fun without pressure.

I could keep Morrissey as a pet, brush her and love her like I've been doing for six months, but financially it doesn't make sense. I haven't made up my mind for sure, but I will be thinking long and hard about what is right for both of us.